No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
