How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
