Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
