Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
