Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
