i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize