well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
