I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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