How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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