The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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