dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
