apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
