I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
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