PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
