Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
