he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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