k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
