it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
