Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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