Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
