I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
