so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
we should paint friendship bongs
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