He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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