Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
