shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
