so that wasnt chicken after all
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
