I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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