Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
