Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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