we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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