Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize