im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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