Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
