who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
