Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
