I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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