Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
