I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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