I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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