Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
