nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
