I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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