hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
foreskin is a definite game changer
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
