A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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