its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
