I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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