Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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