I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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