So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You pole danced in your parka.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
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