you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
