They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
