I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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