Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
