We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
