This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
