my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
