did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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