Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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