I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
