I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
