If that was your dad, he is hot
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
