Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
