i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
