I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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