she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
