Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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