She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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