addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
