The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
