Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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