Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
