can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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