dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
