the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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