Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My pussy is not your playground.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
