And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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