So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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