Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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