He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
