Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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