Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
