Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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