This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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