bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize