In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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